Then & Now: A Year into Quarantine with Painter Jess Ackerman

By LUIZA LUKOVA

Portland-based creative Jessica Ackerman is nothing short of a Jess-of-all-trades. A badass, powerhouse painter with a playful eye for film photography, Jess Ackerman leans into a highly emotive and personal narrative for her works on canvas. Bright and cheerful depictions of flowers, rocks, and abstract landscapes are the visual lure for a deeper conversation on grief, loss, and intimate healing.

I interviewed Jess back in May of 2020 and the first part of our correspondence never got to see the light of day. The original text for this introduction read, “As Portlanders cross the 2+ month marker for quarantining and self-isolation, Instagram scrollers can still find a sweet, digital solace in Ackerman’s painting updates, process videos, and good-natured humor.” Now ten months since that two-month quarantine marker, it feels like an entirely different world we are communing in. Over a year into this global pandemic, still deep in the cultural revolution that engulfed our city and the nation, looking back at our first round of questions we exchanged feels terribly naive of the extent of what was to come. Coming to terms with our new lived experience, the contrast between the two realities is almost nonsensical.

Despite, and in a way in light of, it all Jess and I still found time to catch up on our tried and true topics: the abandon of summer, an unflinching desire to keep illustrating flora, and the maintenance that accompanies self-growth and actualization.

Jess Ackerman in their studio in Northeast Portland, March 2021. Photo by Luiza Lukova.

From May of 2020

Luiza Lukova: Most recently you had your newest work up at Never Lab on SE Belmont, from January through April, 2020. Can you tell us a little bit about that show and that series of paintings?

Jess Ackerman: Y’know, initially I painted these because I felt like last summer was such a bust (for me at least). I was working my ass off and didn't get outside too much, and they’re also weren't many warm days. So, this body of work was an ode to a lost summer and that love of the flora we get here around Portland. In some ways, it was also a love story to the recklessness of summer. Now with this pandemic, I feel that the flowers speak even more to how I'm feeling currently - I can't stop painting them.

LL: These newer pieces have a subtle black border on the canvases that differ from your earlier paintings - I find that super compelling. Is there a drive behind adding this element to the composition? Do you sketch before putting brush to canvas?

JA: It actually has to do with the layering of colors. I strive for the colors to have this depth to them and I found that priming the canvas in black was what could help me achieve that value. I decided to keep the black border as a reference to what came before the color, and what can bloom from that. it just sort of stuck and became a new signature haha.

LL: Without a doubt, it's difficult for any creative in any field to pinpoint the exact boundaries of their practice. However, for the sake of this question, would you consider yourself first and foremost a painter? Is your creative practice driven by any other mediums that you work in?

JA: It has been waves throughout my life... Through most of my 20s, I was illustrating, doing zines, fliers, and designing for companies. Then I got sober and went through a divorce and had to really reassess who I was, I had to let a version of myself die, and what was left was still a painter. As a break, I fool around with photography and some fiber projects.

LL: I'm curious if there is a certain state of mind you tap into before creating.. That is, is there a "place" from where your work is born? What themes/thoughts do you see yourself gravitating towards that you then express on the canvas?

JA: Consistently it has been a base of grief, the different cycles of grief. Dissociation. Destruction of romance and the self. Solitude and meditation. Creating peace from the remnants of a tough lesson and chaos. Painting has allowed me to forgive myself and move on in so many fucking ways. Self love is one hell of a drug haha!

LL: You were also recently part of a digital show, Alone Together, hosted by Social Distance Club at One Grand Gallery on May 8th, and your painting was among the first to sell! The title of the show speaks for itself, bringing community and art together during these weird times of social distancing and isolation. What was it like being one of the featured artists and going on instagram live for the "reception"? Though it's certainly not the same as an IRL gallery opening, did you feel a sense of community and togetherness though this online format?

JA: OMG! I can’t believe my piece sold first! It was so surreal, like being so cooped up I forget about the power of the community here sometimes. It was a great wake-up call. It was way more chill than doing an actual...live interview? Even though that's what it was! The veil of the internet really helped me feel more like myself, but wow how surreal. The future of art shows and sharing is fuckin epic! I hope there can be more opportunities for shows like this to happen during this time.

LL: We've been in quarantine for over two months now, undoubtedly we are all experiencing the same familiar itch of cabin fever. How are you keeping yourself grounded? What are your current quarantine obsessions?

JA: Oh dude, I've been keeping a pretty structured schedule for myself. This is the first time I've ever really had time off and it's helping me stay grounded. I'm getting up early and practicing yoga, juicing, painting every day. That's all normal. but I've been cooking at home and working on way more food projects that I don't normally have the time to invest in. This week is all about getting some fermentation projects up and going. Miso, Kefir, fermented veg, it's all so fascinating! Also learning to use my iPad for drawing and design. It's a trip re-learning how to draw this way, but I'm really trying to push myself to not give up. Oh and venting through my Instagram stories... it's one way to help get my frustrations and stir crazy vibes out lol. And my guiltiest pleasure of them all...... ONLINE SHOPPING!!!! I CAN'T BE STOPPED! I’M A MONSTER! AHHH!!!!!!! I wish I had some good memes to share but I feel like that well is so dry right now wahhh maybe you can refer me to some good ones haha. As far as music goes my friend (and outstanding local artist) Dennis Foster has been making these Shelter in Place playlists on Spotify, they're coming out like once a week-ish right now, but he's got 13 or so of them. All so fucking good!

February 2021

LL: Ok, hello it’s the end of February 2021, and reading through our last conversation feels like several lifetimes ago. You had had two successful shows, secured a studio to create work full-time, summer and its unbridled arrival were square ahead of us. Fast forward 10 months, and here we are. For lack of a timelier transition, how are you? What is new for you now that we are knee-deep in a pandemic we were hopelessly optimistic we’d be out of by last year?

JA: Haha yeah dude, it's all happening so fast and a snail's pace at the same time. But I do have to say, I'm fortunate and am doing better than I thought I would at this point, which is largely due to my amazing therapist, keeping my meds regulated, a very compassionate partner, and BFF. Couldn't have done it without my team! Haha.

LL: How has having the space (your studio) and the time (losing your day job) to dedicate to your craft been this last year? What are the highs, the lows, the joys of sharing a creative space with your best friends?

JA: This studio space has completely changed my approach to my practice. Being able to share and talk among other creatives and being alongside my best friend through all of this is like nothing else. She and I often talk about how even 5 years ago we would have never believed sustaining ourselves through our passions would ever be a reality. The downside of that reality is attempting to also be a manager and bookkeeper, two things that aren't my strong suits.

LL: Would you say you approach your practice in the same that you did in the early days of the quarantine? Has anything shifted for you personally that may have affected your approach to making?

JA: I think the biggest shift has been working in the studio environment and managing creative burnout. I am so accustomed to solitude when working and having peers around me has actually helped quite a bit with my opening up and shyness around my different stages of practice. But also doing a creative practice full time has caused me to really focus on my internal wellbeing more. It's SO EASY to burn out and I'll straight up ruin a painting by overworking it when I'm feeling stubborn and out of it. Learning to stop and walk away when it's not happening is a constant lesson haha.

LL: Tell me something that has been inspiring you lately? From where have you been pulling your inner motivation?

JA: My peers and my partner. completely. With this last year isolated, I know other folks who have begun focusing on their creative endeavors professionally as well and being able to talk to them and share and have each other's backs is damn special. That feeling of community and comradery has given me such confidence in my work that I don't think I had before and has allowed me to look outward for influence very differently. Whether it be music, environment, reading, watching. Staring at the same walls every day drives you mad, and we are all in the same rickety boat. I live with my partner now and being able to break down the monotony through conversation and positively challenging each other makes it all not AS rough. Lol, I guess mindset is important. I'm also going to add that the weather changing and the light coming back is probably the only reason I'm sounding so positive haha because if you asked me this in December it wouldn't have been so easy for me to find this answer.

LL: You and me both! Which leads me to ask, because these kinds of days are inevitable, how do you get yourself out of a creative or mental slump?

JA: Haha that's a hard one....learning compassion for myself has been an uphill battle. Like most of us, I carry so much internalized capitalism which makes the guilt cycle keep on rollin'. Short term I try my best to take it day by day. If it isn’t working out, learning to walk away is the best medicine. I never know how I'm going to feel everyday, so I have to play it by ear.

LL: Can we expect to see any J.Ack [Jess’s creative moniker] paintings out in the wild anytime soon? Any projects in the works?

JA: Oh hell yeah, I will be in residence at Suttle Lodge near Sisters, OR. for two weeks this March. Staying in a rustic cabin and working on a new body of work. Once completed it will be on display at Wild Cactus in Portland in April. After that, who knows ;)

We’re looking forward to seeing Jess’s new body of work from their upcoming residency at The Suttle Lodge on display at Wild Cactus Boutique in April 2021. Until then, you can also find Jess on their art page, @sleepyjess.

Luiza Lukova is a poet, curator, and visual arts critic. Born in Bulgaria, she is currently living and working in Portland, Oregon.

InterviewArt & AboutMarch 26, 20212021, Drawing & PaintingComment